Life has many twists and turns. Just when you then things can't get worse, they do. Then another day comes and wonderful things happen. It's never stagnant, it's always changing. I believe when you begin to accept events and know you have no power over them, that is when you become a happier person. For example, you lose a friend or family member to death, yes you grieve, cry and curse the world. You can not change it, so eventually you have to accept it. At times you go back to the grieving, crying and cursing the world, but once you have acceptance you become happier.
Many things in life you can change, such as a misunderstanding with a friend or family member. At times you need to swallow your pride and fix the problem, but at other times you need to just accept the barrier and go on with life. These decisions are difficult to decide and have to be carefully weighted. In the end, hopefully you'll find happiness with your decision.
The older I get the less drama I want in my life. Perhaps acceptance is my way of coping with events I can not change. When the good events come along then I can enjoy them if I'm not cursing the world. Am I always going to be happy? No, that is not possible, but I strive to be more happy then unhappy. There are many joys in the world and sometimes it's the little joys that help a person get through the day. Today I had one of the little joys as I looked out my kitchen window and saw the birds flitting around the backyard.
Just stop and smell the roses...
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
Ups and Downs
Today is an up day! Yahoo! It appears that Becky will be moving out in December. Not only will I be getting my sewing/craft room back, but it's a giant step in Becky's recovery. I've heard her say "I can't." so much that with this move I'm hearing, "I can". Definite change in attitude and boost to her self-esteem. So good to see her improving!
Now I can start planning how I want to arrange that room. I've had to change rooms many times in the last few years. First it was arranging the house to accommodate Louie's disability. Then Austin moved in and I lost my sewing/craft room. Finally, it was Becky moving in and thus moving things to storage and the shed.
I no longer have a storage unit, but I do have a shed at the side of the house. So where to begin? Clean out the room Becky was in and decide what to put in there. Then rearrange all the stored things in both sheds and clean out the sheds. Hope to complete this before I'm too old to do it.
The down is all the work that will have to be done and the up is the feeling of accomplishment!
Now I can start planning how I want to arrange that room. I've had to change rooms many times in the last few years. First it was arranging the house to accommodate Louie's disability. Then Austin moved in and I lost my sewing/craft room. Finally, it was Becky moving in and thus moving things to storage and the shed.
I no longer have a storage unit, but I do have a shed at the side of the house. So where to begin? Clean out the room Becky was in and decide what to put in there. Then rearrange all the stored things in both sheds and clean out the sheds. Hope to complete this before I'm too old to do it.
The down is all the work that will have to be done and the up is the feeling of accomplishment!
Friday, November 8, 2013
Analyzing Your Past and Confronting Your Fears
Sometimes others see you much different than you see yourself and you wonder where that comes from. As I was contemplating a comment that was made about me I came to realize the possible why of it. It all comes from fear.
About 18 years ago shortly before Christmas I was babysitting Austin who was 3 months old. My family had gone to Potero to get our Christmas tree and I received a call from my mother saying she was feeling funny. Two days before we had gone to her doctor for a check up after she had open heart surgery and she had a clean bill of health. As we were talking I suggested perhaps she needed to go to ER and she refused. Later that evening I called to check on her and there was no answer. The next day I found her dead.
Another event was again I received a phone call from my daughter two years ago. Sharon was crying because of her financial difficulties and we talked for over an hour. This was strange because she wasn't a phone person. I tried to reassure her everything would be ok. The next day she committed suicide.
Each of these events make me fearful of not doing enough for the people I care about. Perhaps I overreact when I don't hear from a person when I expect to or I try to make contact a little strong than I would have before experiencing these events. I try to say and do as much as I can because there is no guarantee of a tomorrow. I'm not sure I want or can change my reactions to similar experiences.
My mother dying didn't effect me as deeply as Sharon's death. I knew I wouldn't have Mom forever and her health was fragile. I expected her to die eventually. Sharon's death was the last thing I would have expected. The suicide was the cruelest way to loss a person...there's no good-bye, there's no reasonable why, there's guilt and then there's the feeling that your soul is being ripped out of your body. I know I will never be the same person that I was. And do I fear failing people again? HELL YES!!!
About 18 years ago shortly before Christmas I was babysitting Austin who was 3 months old. My family had gone to Potero to get our Christmas tree and I received a call from my mother saying she was feeling funny. Two days before we had gone to her doctor for a check up after she had open heart surgery and she had a clean bill of health. As we were talking I suggested perhaps she needed to go to ER and she refused. Later that evening I called to check on her and there was no answer. The next day I found her dead.
Another event was again I received a phone call from my daughter two years ago. Sharon was crying because of her financial difficulties and we talked for over an hour. This was strange because she wasn't a phone person. I tried to reassure her everything would be ok. The next day she committed suicide.
Each of these events make me fearful of not doing enough for the people I care about. Perhaps I overreact when I don't hear from a person when I expect to or I try to make contact a little strong than I would have before experiencing these events. I try to say and do as much as I can because there is no guarantee of a tomorrow. I'm not sure I want or can change my reactions to similar experiences.
My mother dying didn't effect me as deeply as Sharon's death. I knew I wouldn't have Mom forever and her health was fragile. I expected her to die eventually. Sharon's death was the last thing I would have expected. The suicide was the cruelest way to loss a person...there's no good-bye, there's no reasonable why, there's guilt and then there's the feeling that your soul is being ripped out of your body. I know I will never be the same person that I was. And do I fear failing people again? HELL YES!!!
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