2011...Not what I thought it would be

2011 has begun, but not what I thought it would bring. Early January brought the diagnosis that Louie had a brain tumor. That in it self floored me, never would I have thought I'd face something like that. I always thought that diabetes would take his life, but reality tells me it may not be the case. Surgery has been postponed once and it looms in the near future. As I watch Louie deteriorating everyday my heart is being pulled out of my chest. Then when I think of the surgery, I think "will he survive". There is no easy answer, I have to put it in God's hands. Living each day feeling like doom is following you is pure hell. I can almost laugh at people whose largest problem is what to wear. I don't say "why me", because I don't want to know. I'm a strong woman and I'll make it through this hard journey. Also I know others have endured similar circumstances and they now are stronger and wiser. My fears are enormous and my mind cannot be shut down. I escape to work which may seem strange to some people, but being with 31 children doesn't give a person time to think about their problems. also I escape into reading which is getting harder to do. After this journey I'll need to sit down and re-evaluate my life and my goals. I will not say it can't get worse because it can, but it will not be forever!