To Accept

Life has many twists and turns.  Just when you then things can't get worse, they do.  Then another day comes and wonderful things happen.  It's never stagnant, it's always changing.  I believe when you begin to accept events and know you have no power over them, that is when you become a happier person.  For example, you lose a friend or family member to death, yes you grieve, cry and curse the world. You can not change it, so eventually you have to accept it.  At times you go back to the grieving, crying and cursing the world, but once you have acceptance you become happier.

Many things in life you can change, such as a misunderstanding with a friend or family member.  At times you need to swallow your pride and fix the problem, but at other times you need to just accept the barrier and go on with life.  These decisions are difficult to decide and have to be carefully weighted.  In the end, hopefully you'll find happiness with your decision.

The older I get the less drama I want in my life.  Perhaps acceptance is my way of coping with events I can not change.  When the good events come along then I can enjoy them if I'm not cursing the world.  Am I always going to be happy? No, that is not possible, but I strive to be more happy then unhappy.  There are many joys in the world and sometimes it's the little joys that help a person get through the day.  Today I had one of the little joys as I looked out my kitchen window and saw the birds flitting around the backyard.

Just stop and smell the roses...

Ups and Downs

Today is an up day! Yahoo! It appears that Becky will be moving out in December.  Not only will I be getting my sewing/craft room back, but it's a giant step in Becky's recovery.  I've heard her say "I can't." so much that with this move I'm hearing, "I can".  Definite change in attitude and boost to her self-esteem.  So good to see her improving!

Now I can start planning how I want to arrange that room.  I've had to change rooms many times in the last few years.  First it was arranging the house to accommodate Louie's disability.  Then Austin moved in and I lost my sewing/craft room.  Finally, it was Becky moving in and thus moving things to storage and the shed.

I no longer have a storage unit, but I do have a shed at the side of the house.  So where to begin?  Clean out the room Becky was in and decide what to put in there.  Then rearrange all the stored things in both sheds and clean out the sheds.  Hope to complete this before I'm too old to do it.

The down is all the work that will have to be done and the up is the feeling of accomplishment!

Analyzing Your Past and Confronting Your Fears

Sometimes others see you much different than you see yourself and you wonder where that comes from.  As I was contemplating a comment that was made about me I came to realize the possible why of it.  It all comes from fear. 

About 18 years ago shortly before Christmas I was babysitting Austin who was 3 months old.  My family had gone to Potero to get our Christmas tree and I received a call from my mother saying she was feeling funny.  Two days before we had gone to her doctor for a check up after she had open heart surgery and she had a clean bill of health.  As we were talking I suggested perhaps she needed to go to ER and she refused.  Later that evening I called to check on her and there was no answer.  The next day I found her dead.

Another event was again I received a phone call from my daughter two years ago.  Sharon was crying because of her financial difficulties and we talked for over an hour.  This was strange because she wasn't a phone person.  I tried to reassure her everything would be ok.  The next day she committed suicide.

Each of these events make me fearful of not doing enough for the people I care about.  Perhaps I overreact  when I don't hear from a person when I expect to or I try to make contact a little strong than I would have before experiencing these events.  I try to say and do as much as I can because there is no guarantee of a tomorrow.  I'm not sure I want or can change my reactions to similar experiences.

My mother dying didn't effect me as deeply as Sharon's death.  I knew I wouldn't have Mom forever and her health was fragile.  I expected her to die eventually.  Sharon's death was the last thing I would have expected.  The suicide was the cruelest way to loss a person...there's no good-bye, there's no reasonable why, there's guilt and then there's the feeling that your soul is being ripped out of your body.  I know I will never be the same person that I was.  And do I fear failing people again?  HELL YES!!!

Changing to Positive

Yesterday was a blah day, not bad, not good, not sad, not happy.  You could say it lacked emotion.  So today I have made a decision to make it a happy day by choosing to do the things I enjoy that will bring me happiness.  Some of these things are visiting people that are positive, gardening, sewing, cooking, going for a ride and many other activities.  Now which do I choose? Decisions, decisions... Perhaps I should just let it happen.

Simple Things In Life

As I grow older I'm more aware that the simple things in life are so important.  Whether it's watching a sunset, going for a ride or spending time with the people you care about all are activities that can be enjoyable and warm one's heart.  For me getting away from my house and having freedom from my everyday life means so much.  At one time my home was a happy place and a place I could relax in, but not any longer.  I want to get back that feeling of a peaceful refuge.  Perhaps it's the people in this house, Louie with his disability and always having to have care and Becky with her unstable personality.

I love morning when no one else is awake and I am alone.  To sit, have a cup of coffee and  let my mind wander is pure heaven.  As I sit here writing I ponder where life has taken me and where I will  journey next.  Yesterday was a simple day of taking a ride, having lunch and talking to a friend, but it was totally enjoyable and very calming.  Today is just beginning and I'm hoping for another tranquil day...perhaps that's too much to wish for, but we'll see.

Last year around Christmas I decided to be happy and I've achieved more happiness than I had.  This year I plan on reaching for the stars for even more happiness, but doing so simply.  My plans are contacting friends more often and changing the mood in this house.  Today's plan is to add more music and think happy thoughts.  Simple but effective.  Time to go wish upon a star.

What if...

The "what if" question often comes to mind.  I could spend a lifetime wondering if I took another path what would have happened, where would I be today?  Would I be happier?  Would I be sadder?  What type of children would I have?  Where would I be living?

No one can predict where life will lead them.  I've come to the conclusion that I'm where I'm suppose to be and the experiences I have had make me who I am.  Not sure if I would change anything because then I wouldn't be me.  Most of the time I do like me. 

Just wondering...

Friendships

Friendships are as different as the people who are in them.  Some begin and continue with constant interaction, where as, others have a stop and go tendency.  The ones with the stop and go also vary.  They can stop because the parties involved are busy with their lives, but after a while they begin again where they left off. 

Another variation is when the parties involved just need a break for each other due to an argument of other disagreement.  The friendships in this category sometimes grow when the parties reestablish their relationship.  Even though, there is a connection of friendship, trust also needs to be rebuilt.  Definitely, this is a more difficult connection to make because their is a history connected with the relationship.

Friendships sometimes are temporary and other times are for what seems like a lifetime.  They evolve over time and occasionally fade with time and circumstances.  All in all, friendships are confusing and very hard to define, but definitely necessary to most humans.