Life Is Difficult...

The last few days have my emotions in turmoil.  Louie's health seems to be getting worse.  Friday night he went to bed and wouldn't get up until late Sunday morning.  Of course, I just had to get on the computer and seek answers.  It seems according to Hospice that in ill patients that are close to death that the body begins to shut down.  Some of the warning signs are lack of appetite, which Louie has been experiencing for at least a month or more.  Then another is excessive sleeping due to the organs shutting down. Also he has a decrease in urine output, but that could be because he's not awake to eat or drink.  All of these symptoms can be explained away, but I wonder.

Ever since his surgery, it feels like I've been grieving for him.  First it was his lack of being a whole person and the many set back and complications he's experience.  Then realizing he could possibly die at any moment.  After living with a person for 44 years, you just expect them to always be there.  Slowly Louie has been fading away both physically and mentally.  I live with a shell of a man.  He often tells me he doesn't want to live anymore and I truly understand why.  Yes, I will morn his passing...